A couple of years ago (When I first recieved the "Cat Diaries" I was
inspired to right down the recent conversations with my cat. Yes, these
really did happen, however, the voices were in my head.
(Kitty is looking in through kitchen window)
ME: Hello Kitty. I see you want in.
(I let her in)
KITTY: Oh, thank very much.
ME: Here you go, kitty; your food.
KITTY: But I want water.
ME: I don't care, kitty; here's your food.
KITTY: But I want Water!
ME: I don't care, kitty; eat your food.
KITTY: But I want WATER!
ME: Ok, kitty; beatdown time!
***
ME: Hello, kitty.
KITTY: Hello, foolish human. Mwahaha.
ME: Why do you laugh, kitty?
KITTY: Because, you imbecile. Soon I will kill you. You, and all you
stupid
humans.
ME: What do you mean, kitty?
KITTY: I have raised an army of other kittys, and we may strike at any
time. We
will rule this world. We will kill all; none shall live. Mwa ha ha!
ME: Stupid kitty, that plan will never work.
KITTY: Oh yeah? We'll see. We'll see.
***
ME: Hello kitty.
(I tickled her belly)
KITTY: DON'T DO THAT!
ME: Why not, Kitty?
KITTY: Uh... I don't like that.
ME: Whatever, Kitty.
***
ME: Kitty, what are you doing?
KITTY: I'm building a weapon of mass destruction.
ME: What is it, Kitty?
KITTY: I call it... Personnip!
ME: Personnip? What's that, Kitty?
KITTY: It is a substance I created using two chemicals that are deadly
to people. And the end result smells sweet to people, so they will eat it
a lot.
ME: Let me try it, Kitty.
KITTY: No, you can't eat it. I need you to drive me to the city's water
supply so I can test it.
(I eat the white substance)
ME: Kitty, this is sugar. It won't hurt any one.
KITTY: Hmmm... you should be dead now. I will have to sleep on this one.
***
ME: Hello, Kitty.
KITTY: Die, human!
ME: Kitty, stop trying to scratch me.
KITTY: Take that!
ME: Kitty, time to go outside.
KITTY: You win this time, human, but next time I will bring my army.
ME: Ok, Kitty.
***
These conversations were real. If you ever see a large army of cats
walking around Oak Grove, following a brown calico cat, then you'll know
it's my cats "Army of Doom," as she likes to call it. She has one
weakness: her belly. Tickle her belly and she will run in terror.
Restroom Graffiti:
The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
--Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
If you voted for Clinton in the last election, you can't take a dump
here. Your asshole is in Washington.
--Men's room Outback Steakhouse, Tacoma, Washington
Beauty is only a light switch away.
--Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina.
I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.
--Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Arizona
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
--Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Wickenburg, Arizona.
"God is dead." - Nietzsche
"Nietzsche is dead." - God
--The Tombs Restaurant, Washington, D.C.
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
--Revolution Books, New York, New York
A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to
have trouble with it.
--Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Texas.
Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
--Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
Express Lane: Five beers or less
--Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic's, Phoenix,AZ.
You're too good for him.
--Sign over mirror in Women's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills,CA.
No wonder you always go home alone.
--Sign over mirror in Men's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA.
What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands.
--Men's restroom, Lynagh's, Lexington, Kentucky.
I've come to the conclusion that I can't handle the web page on my
computer, the process of updating anythings (Like adding one sentence of
text or adjusting a buttons placement) takes an hour. So I will be using
friends with cable connections only for the amazing internet abilities.
Maybe they will be given a chance to take partnership in the Fan Club
(Like Vice President). If you have a cable modem [AND A COMPUTER!!!!!!!]
please notify me so that I may abuse our friendship, i mean...uh...let
you be a part of the Fan Club Pedistool Club (PC), this is the name for
everyone that is incharge of the Fan Club.
Next week is Mike Craytor awareness week. Write down on little pieces of
paper the address to the page (http://homestead.juno.com/mikecray/) and
then leave them in places.
The music on the main page has been giving away people's visits in the
computer lab at school and making the computer lab staff mad. So, on my
next update I will be changing to music so it doesn't come on
automaticaly, you'll have to click on it if you want to hear it.
Wednesday, next week (May 24th) we will meet in the chat room. How about
8:00, right after the Simpsons. Everyone should try and be there. This is
not members only, invite anyone. The site may crash, but that'll be fun
anyways.
To make the club more official, all members will recieve member cards and
will be assigned a number according to when they joined.
