I send out some words o' wisdom to help you all with your life.
WORDS OF WISDOM
1. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the
statue.
2. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day.
Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
3. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
4. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
5. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a
suitable application of high explosives.
6. Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
7. Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than
expected. Carefully planned projects take four times longer to complete
than expected, mostly because the planners expect their
planning to reduce the time it takes.
8. Stupidity got us into this mess-why can't it get us out?
9. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both
be changed regularly and for the same reason.
10. People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them
that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
11. I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.
12. Indecision is the key to flexibility.
13. If it ain't broke, fix it 'til it is.
14. I don't get even, I get odder.
15. In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
16. I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.
17. Dijon vu-the same mustard as before.
18. My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
19. I am having an out of money experience.
20. I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
21. Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths.
22. Practice safe eating-always use condiments.
23. A day without sunshine is like night.
24. I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
25. If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws
26. There's no need to fear falling - it's the sudden stop at the bottom
that warrants the fear.
27. Birthdays are good for you - the more you have the longer you live.
28. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift -
that's why they call it the present
29. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
30. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
31. The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and
stupidity.
32. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on
society.
33. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
34. Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live
with.
35. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
36. Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where
you left them to where you can't find them.
37. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
38. If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
39. COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where
you live.
40. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
appreciates how difficult it was.
41. Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
42. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the
average man can see better than he can think.
43. Paranoids are people too; they have their own problems. It's easy to
criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.
44. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you
feel happy to be on your way.
45. Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
46. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
47. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
48. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
49. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
50. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
51. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.
52. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your
principles.
53. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
54. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
55. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch-up.
56. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
57. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never
tried before.
58. Change is inevitable...except from vending machines.
59. Don't sweat the petty things...or pet the sweaty things.
60. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
61. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
62. Truth flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
