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Mulu
February 16, 2000

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Mulu: Hello Everyone.



(I've had a few more additions to the Mulu list, so for those who don't know what it stands for: Mike's undesireable letters unending. Despite the name, they should be desireable.)

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Let's say there's this bar, everyone's tipsy, it's happy hour. Guy stands up, waving his beer in the air:

"All lawyers are assholes!"

Guy down at the end of the bar, looking up from his coaster:

"I resent that!"

"Why, you a lawyer?"

"No, I'm an asshole!"

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NEW STATE MOTTOS

Alabama: At Least We're not Mississippi

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!

Arizona: But It's a Dry Heat

Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing

California: As Seen on TV

Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character

Delaware: We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water

Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia: Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana: We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign

Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland: A Thinking Man's Delaware

Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)

Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians

Minnesota: Ditto

Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work

Montana: Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, and Very Little

Else Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada: Whores and Poker!

New Hampshire: Go Away and Leave Us Alone

New Jersey: You Want a ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York: You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney...

North Carolina: Tobacco is a Vegetable

North Dakota: We Really are One of the 50 States!

Ohio: We Wish We Were In Michigan

Oklahoma: Like the Play, only No Singing

Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina: Remember the Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender

South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee: The Educashun State

Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I speak English)

Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont: Yep

Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!

Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family -- Really!

Wisconsin: Come Cut Our Cheese Wyoming: Wynot?



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There is major construction on the web page. Changes to be made in the future: The border around the main page will be moved up slightly to where it's supposed to be, a picture of me will be added, possibly a members section, but no porn. I know, I know, that's all you really want, but you'll just have to go to another site. Sorry.

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If you heard about the lobster story and you REALLY want a copy of it. Send me an e-mail. I warn you, it is the most vile thing in the world. I thought I could read just about anything and be just fine, but this has soiled my eyes. Those horrible thoughts always come back everytime I see a lobster... But if you want a copy, just send me an e-mail.

Mike Craytor

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©2000 Mike Craytor Enterprises, Ltd.
All information relatively true as of June 6, 2000.